I've been quiet on the online world for 1,5 year...I'm sorry for the persons who kept visiting but saw nothing new on my blog !
Allow me to give some explanation about my "dissappearance"..
Followers of my blog could read in some blogposts the physical struggle I had the past 5 year.
I have fybromyalgia since 1993 and it has always been a struggle against the constant pain and tiredness.
Sick or not, feeling exhausted or not.. I never missed a day in the years before 2011 to be in my Poppyclass with my handicapped children. It took his toll to be present and I did survive on daily painkillers and the adrenaline I get from my job.
In 2011 I really crashed with 4 hernia's.. first time my body rang the alarmbell so hard I HAD to listen.
Since then, I crashed now and then, was out for some months but came back, still fighting pain and being tired...
I adapted my life a lot to keep going: every spare moment was used to recover and gain energy so I could be in my class and do my job.
No more social contacts in the weekends, no more blogging on sunday, few time to create... due to lying flat in the couch for recovering.
I even ran to the doctor on the first schoolday of 2015, saying I needed more medication to keep the pain bearable so I could sleep, cause I wanted to be in my class !
My body seems to be much more clever then me...
Half october I came home from school, talked to one of the workmen who have been busy "in the big build" in our house, when I felt my heart almost jump out of my chest and I fainted..
ALARM...bloodpressure too high... exhausted... house-arrest now for already 3 months..
This year I become 50 years old and I always say I want to become 94...
Spending hours and hours in the couch gave me a lot of time to think: who am I? what am I doing ? live or surviving? Is this the life I want to live ? What do I love to do? How do I see my next 44 years?...
After 5 years of crashing... I'm sick of it...
Time to start another chapter in my book of life..
But which book to choose?
I made in the past some books for the poems of a Flemish poet Thomas Rubico. The poems are the same in each book, but I made every cover different with gelliprinted paper.
Maybe I could stay the same on the outside but could write another story in MY book?
I still want to be a teacher and mentor in my school.
I love my Poppyclasschildren, the children of the Triangleschool, the parents of my children, my collegues...They are an important part of my life, they give me joy, they are my passion,...
BUT... I want to be as good as can be BEFORE I start working again. No returning too early this time.
And I will not work 4/5 anymore, but halftime.
This means I have to say more "no", give other people the chance to develop themselves instead of wanting to do it all myself,...
I want to be in my class and don't spend hours on the computer for paperwork anymore ( so that's a job for someone else...)
In my class: that's where my heart lies, with the children..
I hope to be able to work alternating days so I have moments to recover.
Mostly I recover with one or another cat on top of me...
But in my recovery since october, two of my beloved ones are soooo missed...
Missamissa, my bedcat, my little "baby",.. was run over by a car the 25th of september..
Another favorite of our 7 cats ran away on my birthday on the 28th of september.
Neo was 13 years old and my daughters "softy"..
Probably he got scared off by the noise of the workers on our roof :/
He didn't return and we didn't found any sign of him since..
What a bummer for this catlady: losing two cats in 3 days..
I still have 5 cats to lie under in the couch... but I do not want to be in the couch so much anymore !
I want to renurse my creative ME !
In the new chapter of my lifebook I started with making some good intentions for 2016.
But I wrote down intentions that are reacheable for me:
I'm totally ready for more and different adventures..
No worldshaking adventures... just being myself... evolving.. taking care of myself more, in sharing with others.
Hope to see you here again too !
greetings from Belgium